Booger Phobia

Back to work after my vacation.

Took a week off to relax. I really needed it too. I think anymore time without a breather would have resulted in me killing someone.
Too much stress in compressed time frames will make anyone go nuts. I may even venture to say I was not quite ready to come back this morning.

My husband was on spring break too, so I got to see him. He still had to work the first half of the week, but even still I saw him more then I have in the past few months.
We went to OK to the Winstar Casino. Had a mini Vegas trip. I had a lot of fun. Won money the first day. Lost some the second. In the end we left with what we came with. Not bad for near 8 hours of gambling.

Spent time with my family. My mom's 49th birthday was Saturday. My sister came up and brought the kids. It was really great to see them.
I miss Kaitlyn and Riley.

Mom is recovering quite nicely from her wrist surgery. She can almost clinch a fist now. She gets excited every time she can touch her thumb to one of her fingers. I'm glad everything is going well for her.
Unfortunately my dad is not recovering so well from his knee surgery. He can't bend past 34 degrees without pretty horrible pain.
The physical therapist said he should not be in that much pain at this point and should be making more progress. He is going to have to go back in to the doctor and see what is going on.
He is afraid it will mean another surgery and even more down time.

I have never seen my dad down or depressed, but lately he has been pretty effected by it all. Stupid drunk driver.
Sucks how much this is really screwing things up for dad.
We went by and mowed the lawn and did some stuff around his house. Trying to cheer him up a little bit.
My husband and dad started talking about his old 73 challenger sitting in the garage, and it looks like my brother-in-law and husband may start making weekend trips over there to revive the old girl and get her out of the garage and back running.

Dad would love that. I know he hates seeing it sitting in there rotting away. Plus it will make him happy to hang out with my hubby and have car guy time. Maybe this will get him through all the down time until his recovery is fully made.

Anyway, back to work.

I still have a job.

*sigh of relief

Well supposedly today is the day the lay offs are to happen.

Might be tomorrow, a co-worker posted something to that effect.

Might as well be ready one way or the other though.

Wish me luck!

So yesterday our GM announced that our company is going to have lay-offs.

I am not surprised in the sense that it has been happening at companies all around us, so I knew at some point our time would come.

I am not going to lie. I am pretty terrified that I am going to lose my job. My department basically has two bosses. Me and our Associate Director.
I am damn good at my job and I would tell that to the CEO himself if he asked me, but put me next to our AD and I will not be the one left with a job. He just has more skill in development. I may be able to handle 3 people's workload, but he can develop for 5 if he had to.
Just sucks, cause if they do look at the whole do we need two management level people, I am screwed.

I mean I will do what I have to if it comes to that, but GOD it SUCKS.

I had high hopes for 2009 to be a less trying year for us. I guess I was way off on that.

I am thankful to have my husband though. He has to be the best person ever. He reassured me last night through my mini freak out.
I know he would walk through Hell and back for me. I just hope I don't cause us major financial stress if I do lose my job.

Cross your fingers everyone, and keep good thoughts for all the people that are about to get bad news.

I had all of last week off from work.

All I can say is that I really needed it. I feel so much better after getting to relax all that time. I even got to play some video games!

I met my second cousin's wife Jung Hee. She is so cute and super sweet. I can't believe how Virg Allen ended up with such an awesome girl.
I told her about going to get Korean food and treats. She wants me to set up a time to have her and Virg Allen come up and go with me and invisibelle. She was so excited to hear about all the stuff over there. She said she had not been back to Korean in 6 years.
I am looking forward to taking her to Korea Town, and since she is bringing Virg Allen I can force my husband to go finally. He thinks he would not like it but I know he will.

It was a really nice Thanksgiving. My Grandma is going to make us a quilt that is actually big enough to go over our huge bed, so John designed a quilt pattern for her to use. It was so cute watching them both pour over the giant quilt book and hash out the details.
My Grandma never really took much time to get to know John, so she had some assumptions about him and did not figure him for a craft guy. Which he comes from a mom and dad of complete creative awesomeness, so he can do just about everything. She told me she enjoyed talking to John about all that and was really happy to have so much in common with him. It was cute.

Oh and I continue to have the weird happenings with anything remotely medical. *sigh
We gave blood yesterday. Double reds. Meaning they take 2 units of blood out, filter the red blood cells out, and give you back your plasma and some saline to make up for all the red cells taken out.
No big thing. Well she hooked me up and it took the first unit, no problem. Then it started the first return of just saline. All of the sudden my vision freaked and the room started to spin. I told her I felt weird. She laid the chair back and started having them put ice packs on me and bring me water. She kept telling me to keep my eyes open. Apparently I almost passed out. All happened in the blink of an eye.
She was about to turn it all off and unhook me when I was fine all of the sudden. I told her to keep going so the blood taken so far would not be a waste. It freaked the chick out a little because I should not have that effect from just saline being put in my system. I mean I ate a good meal before and all that good stuff. In fact John and I ate all the same stuff at the same time and he gave double reds without a problem.
She watched me close on the second return but everything went fine that time. She had left me laying down so maybe that helped.

Heh,  I guess my body is not a fan of having stuff pumped into my veins. I don't think it will deter me from donating again, but I will not to ask next time I go to the doctor if they have ever heard of saline making a person nearly pass out.

I know I am just strange.
Despite that little freak out I had a damn good week. A much needed reset.

Anyways, back to work.

Ok so maybe not right after my morning meetings.. but never-the-less I am back to blogging.

Updates that you probably know:
-Managing my butt off. I really like the new position. Sure there is stress, but I really like my crew. Helping them out makes me smile.
-Got John and X-box 360. He now has all the next gen gaming consoles. Well I guess the Wii is more mine, but still no lack of options here.
-Working out again. Gained back everything I lost and then some, but John joined with me. Seems so much easier to be motivated when your honey is there with you.
-Still tooling around with my Taffy girl. She turned 11 this month. Old fart. She still hates the cat.
-John has turned the cat into a demon. Why do guys like playing rough with cats and making them biters?
-Sitting in a temporary office on 25 while our floor is being redone. Sharing with the only other girl in our group. It is cool though. She is pretty awesome. Though I am excited now that I know that I get my own office when we move back down stairs. YAY
-Turned 24. So old I know.

Ok enough of that.

Updates you may not know about:
-I am preg.....HA just kidding. Would have been a good one though wouldn't it? I know I am an ass.
-John is in school. Computer aided drafting. Hoping to get off the job sites and in the office. Make the big bucks and not have the danger of getting run over by big ass equipment.
-Only took one guitar lesson. I like it but I have zero motivation. Too bad I can't just absorb everything instantly without having to build up to rocking out.
-There is a bullet hole in my wall. AH HA. The good stuff finally.
My brother-in-law and husband are very big gun enthusiasts. They love to collect them, buy them, shoot them, and sell them. And I have no problem with that. They can be fun and damn sure keep the rif-raf out.
Now the guys are very safe with their guns. They take them seriously and take percausions. Wel....brother-in-law got a new gun. One that was some what different and unfamilar. Apparetnly the there is something specific about the hammer on the Colt that well, makes it easy to shoot by accident.
He was loading it, it went off, dining room wall and laptop bag suffer. Happily the laptop was not in the bag. Oh yeah and NO ONE GOT FUCKING SHOT! I freaked a little when John told me. He was sitting rather close to where Caleb was and was easily in head shot the fuck off range.
Thank God they are smart and do not load guns pointed in the direction of other people. Also the cat and dog came out unscathed.
So yeah that was exciting. Nearly had a heart attack when I found out about it.

But that is all for now. I leave you now...

I need to post more.

I never realized how long it has been.

Talking to a good friend and family member I thought about how much I need the out-lit.

No more LJ neglect. Once morning meetings are done I will post yet again.

HUZAAH!

Here is the pics I keep promising over and over.

New York

Finally I have them all up. There are quite a few so browse as you wish.

Kaminari is getting bigger
There are two or three more after that one.

And while I am showing animals Taffy was staring at me for giving the cat picture attention.

Here is the awesome Cat Gym that Hubby and brother-in-law built. There are three more after that one that are close ups.

What I have been spending all my time doing.




Here is My Guitar


Brother-in-Law's Guitar

Mine is cooler.

Anyway that is all for now.

So I bought Guitar Hero 3.

Man my fore arms and wrists hurt.

I KNOW, I am such a dork.

But that is all I have time to post. Picture post coming tonight.

Ever been so stressed out that when you hear a person talk you want to shove pencils in your ears?

I mean a person completely unrelated to your stress, but you already hate them for other reasons, but for some reason your level of stress is so high even though they are uninvolved you start to hate them even more.

It is bad enough I already hate this person, but now this stress is making me want to kill that person for just talking. And not even to me. To anyone. Hearing that persons voice is making me blood lust angry.

Man I need to get another job.

I have been searching like crazy to find a damn rainbow lately.

There has been so much crazy bad shit going on lately that I REALLY need a rainbow.
Which yeah, my sister and her husband have officially moved the fuck off to Lake Jackson. Where is that? Way the hell away from all of us! I will not see Kaitlyn or Riley anymore. Sucks some big ass.

But anyway. No more bitching. Need to be positive.

So we went and signed off on the whole company drilling for natural gas under our neighborhood thing. IT TOOK FOUR HOURS!!!!
But...there was a very very nice ending to it that made the whole long process totally worth it.

four thousand seven hundred and fifty-two dollars!$!$!$!$!$!$!$

OMG. They are going to give us that much money?!

Money does not make the world go round. It will not undo the bad shit going on. But.....the thought that we are going to have enough to finally fix up some things around the house, put a large enough chunk in the vacation fund so Ireland becomes a REAL trip some day, and FINALLY get a laptop that I really have been needing..... It is just a huge relief.

And I am going to go get my hair done damn it!!!

So in 20 days I am going to get a hair cut and watch my husband gleefully buy some new tech thing. LOL. I love seeing him happy!!!

Well I am trying to post more happy things. I promise by the end of the weekend I will FINALLY have my new york trip pictures up and posted. Been to much shit going on.

On a good note. A company wants to drill under our neighborhood. Looks like we are going to get about $3,000 or so for our little sixth of and acre. YAY! And possible royalties if they actually find anything. This comes with insurance of course. If they mess up and my yard caves in, they are the ones paying for it.

On a ..... I dunno, I guess sad note but also kind of a relief note. It has been 10 days. Odin should be at peace now. I am glad he is not in pain or suffering anymore. And I post one of my favorite pictures of him, not to be sad, but because it makes me happy to think of him during the good times. I mean try to look at that adorable face and not smile. You can't.



We love you Odin and hope you are at peace. No matter what happened you were a wonderful dog!

A good friend of mine sent email to the vet voicing her opinion on it. It was very sweet of her and I can't thank her enough for backing us up. here is what the bastard piece of shit sent back:


I am so mad I can't even talk.


Just can't even think.....so angry......

Seems like all my posts lately are all sad. Sorry about that.
I was sick yesterday. Yep I got sick on the last day of my vacation. FUN! Anyhow, John was off too, so he called the vet to get things set up for Odin. Well at first they said we would have to see the vet and then if he deemed it medically reasonable he would do the euthanasia. Um ok..... well we explained about talking to Karen the behaviorist and all of the incidents. They really acted like we were taking the easy way out and like we had not done everything we could. It was really trying. Well Dr. Hulka, our usual vet, would not do it. Which is weird because he has been our vet for some time and knows us, and he is also one of Karen's favorite vets too....well was. Dr. Dye, the other one there that actually said nothing was wrong with Odin's hip (retard), actually agreed to do it. Said it was our choice. Imagine that. So fine we had the appointment made. Ten minutes later the office called back. They were asking all sorts of questions about Odin. Wanted to know when he last bit. Well since they acted like we should not put him down John went in the history and said he had "bit" Karen too. Though it did not break skin. They bated him basically. Now all of the sudden they have to report Odin. They said they are bound by law to report all bites. After talking Karen I found out they are full of absolute shit. They only have to report ones that break the skin. Too little too late though, they reported him, so we are now obligated to take him to animal control for a ten day quarantine.
SO yeah. Now the decision of how things are to go has been completely taken out of our hands. Instead of paying the vet and taking him into a nice quite office where he would have been less scared and had a chance at it being a peaceful thing, we had to take him down a hall of barking dogs, he was so scared, put in in a cage, leave hearing him whine, and know that he will spend ten days alone and in fear, and then be put to sleep. It was the most horrible thing I have ever been through in my life. John was so upset. He was angry at the vet place for doing this to us, and now has the guilt of dragging his dog that he loved into that hell. He had no choice of course, but it does not help at all. It was the single worst experience of my life.
And all because some stupid staff at a vet office wanted to weasel their way out of putting a dog down. They could not let themselves put an animal down peacefully. Instead they thought it would be ok to make his last days terrifying. Fuck you all Green Oaks Pet Hospital. Dr. Hulka and his entire staff can go to Hell. You are the most awful people in the world and I hope you have have haunting nightmares of the animals and people you put through life altering hell....I hate you all more then anything!!! Thanks for ruining our lives!

I can honestly say that I don't know if I have ever felt this sad before. I mean it is down right sad. I have been depressed and upset, but I don't know if I have ever really been so sad.

We met with a behaviorist last night. Which btw, Karen Deeds from Canine Connections is a wonderful woman, and in the end we have only one thing we can really do.

He is going to be put down.

God how I hate typing that out. Still just kills me.

I can say though, after talking to her for hours....this is the best we can do. I know that is crazy. Killing a dog it is the best I can do? I sound like I am taking the easy way out. Sorry I have to stop doing that. I am in the phase of beating myself up and blaming myself.

Anyway. Basically here is what she found. He has a problem with is right hip. We thought he did too, but the idiot vet said he was fine. Thought is was him sleeping on the hard floor too much. Come to find out the muscle is not a developed as the left one, and she even ventures to say there is possible muscle atrophy. I trust her since she is a vet and behaviorist. So there is a good chance that the leg has been causing him pain. Which makes sense because the first episode ever was when I was behind him petting his back and legs. Anyhow, the pain MAY, everything is a may, have caused a lot of his fears to come about. He is irrational in his fears to defuse and give a reason for the pain.

Now if we spend the possible thousands that it may take to fix the leg. Estimate based off what she thinks it would require to diagnose and treat, then we still have to deal with the fears. He has gotten so used to the fearing from the pain, she thinks he will get over some fears but possibly replace them with new ones. So 3 sets forward 4 steps back. And the progression of his outburst is very rapid. She said a dog with growl to get you to leave him alone. Then he should be fine and back off. Odin is now snapping and continuing to follow you even when you back off. This means he is escalating the aggression. And at a year old he should not be going so fast. Basically she can try to work with him, but after years of training and LOTS of money, there is no way to say if he will ever really get better.

We don't have the money by any means. We can't take the chance that he will hurt anyone. And I guess the thing that sealed it was, when I asked if she would trust him with her family, she bluntly said absolutely not. And she lives with aggressive dogs daily. So we had a choice. Continuing trying while he lives in pain, constant stress, and total fear of his world. Or let him go now and save him from a really sad life.

I don't want him hurting and fearing everything. I dunno. I just know we can't help him. And I feel like a total failure, but this is what I am told is what we should do.

And deep down I agree and feel he should not be made to suffer it all.....

But I can't stop hurting and feeling like a horrible ass for taking his life.

Odin's problems had appeared to be getting better, but this morning he tried to bite John. Until now it appeared to be only him trying to dominate me. Now he attacks John. What next? Or Who rather?

I think John is going to have him put down.


I really don't know what to do. I can't stop crying when I think about it.......

Short little video of this kitten playing some.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8pyFEUxCiU

I actually wish I had got her on camera this morning. She is more comfortable in the house now, and she was ripping through the house like crazy. It was hilarious.

Oh and btw, the loud movie in the background was Spiderman. Was when he was wrestling for money or something. Don't want you guys to think we spend the weekends watching wrestling.
LOL

Say hello to Kaminari.



I know I had said we picked Danu as the name, but John changed his mind. Kaminari is the Japanese goddess of thunder. So yeah. Here she is.

See All Pics here

So far she and the dogs are not getting along. She hisses and Odin then barks. So yeah. It is going to take some time to get them all ok with each other.
She is really affectionate and has found a love of my DS game case. She likes to sleep on it.
Peed in the corner once already, but oh well. She really is a sweetie. I think once the dogs settle in with her she will be quite happy here.

Video coming later.

Well I finally got rid of my old busted ass iPod.

My Old One


My New One

It is silver. I quite like it. Much easier to use, considering there is a damn screen so I can see what I am looking for. John needed a new one cause his died on him. I could not help but want one too. The shiny made me love it. We also got a cute little stereo that you plug your iPod into.

Portable Do-Dad

We have always wanted a stereo to listen to and that we can move it around if need be. The TV has radio stations, but you can't pick the songs, and you can only turn the computer up so loud and be able to hear it if you are not in the front rooms. So I love this thing cause I can carry it into any room easily and outside or off in the garage even. Plus I know I will like the music. Yes it was the weekend of electronic splurging. Can you tell we were finishing off the tax return?

*Warning Random Thoughts in No Particular Order

I want it to be March so I can go on my trip to New York.
I want my bruise to go away so people will stop going "OMG what happen to your arm". I finally had to start telling people what happened because I know that level of idiot gossip around here. All I need is someone going around telling people John beat me or something stupid like that. Two biggest responses to the "I was bit by a dog" was "Omg are you going to sue?" and "Did you get them to put the dog down?". Man people love just killing dogs I guess. I did get a "what did you do" as in asking what I was doing to make the dog bite me. That one made me laugh.
Mom is going in to the doc today to see if she needs a hysterectomy. If she does I am going to take a week off work to help her out while she heals.
We are going to get our new kitten next weekend!!!! I think we have settled on Danu as the name. We ave no bought anything yet, litter box and what not. We want to see how Odin does first. Anything but friendly behavior and the kitty goes back.
I need a vacation.
I should be working right now.....

I am going to New York!!!!!

Well Newark, NJ, but New York City is in spitting distance so it counts. I am sooooo excited. I can't wait to go. I have never had the opportunity to fly in a plane, so this will be a new experience. I am not afraid of flying. Dad just always insisted driving everywhere.

So yay!!! I get a vacation finally AND AND I get to fly. I have co-worker that gives me shit for being 23 in this day and age and have never flown. NOT ANYMORE. God I want it to be March now.

But yeah, other then that not a lot going on. Have not been posting cause I have been working my ass off. Still, time off is coming soon!!!